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| Should I be bold enough to speak in this moment...a reverent heart would surely be unbroken, with no regrets. | | |
| I can't decide what going on inside but I know that it's true, that I love "me and you", and I can't let it go, do I think that I should? I don't know what I want...how could...how can I let this go? After everything that's happened....does God not know, how this will affect me forever? My heart races while my stomach churns only this time it's his turn, and I feel so numb, it's as if I don't care, and why, God, WHY don't I care?! Why don't I care?? WHY DON'T I CARE?! I feel so dead inside, I can't HIDE this thing, this monster that's eating me, chasing me, chewing me; I've been spat on the ground and stomped to my last breath and I can't take this heavy weight anymore, I can't handle the rest. But I can't let it go, but I can't keep holding on...what's Wrong God, dear god, What's Wrong??! | | |
| something happy? love. forever. you and me. we and Him. | | |
| I hate the uncertainty. The very idea of not knowing. It's not that I assume..it's just that I don't know. Nothing frightens me more than this...this which I can not touch, and I can not see, and I can not heal, and I can not fight. The very notion takes my breath away and leaves me gasping on my knees with a hard and unbearable pounding in my chest. My stomach churns and flips, as though it is doing everything in it's power to just free itself from inside my skin. And my mind? It merely turns to mush. Unable to contemplate the possibilities any longer. And once again, my body simply shuts down, and I sleep...praying not to dream. | | |
| Like a flower hidden beneath the desert sand she walks and cries for the rain. “Help!” she cries, her tears of blood do hit the sand. Her tears of blood hit the falcon’s beak, it carries me on wings of grey. She calls to me to follow her, my heart does nothing but abide. I follow her teary eyes of blood, those teary eyes of bloody grey. My heart beating, I follow her grey wings, like a lion hunting prey. I follow her along her way; a lion hunting sweet prey. Such an interpreter of dreams, oh sweet interpreter of dreams, do interpret mine! Those lost canons of old, written on falcon’s wings, and what stories are these, now lost to the wind? What stories are these, such stories I tell…I tell, and I tell, though I lie, I do tell. The desert sand grows hot on my feet, oh please sweet interpreter, interpret my dreams! She looks at me with her teary eyes of blood then turns round again and I follow her still, though I lie and I tell, I follow her still. Such a vast plain before me and where does it lead? Some unknown fortress awaits me, with interpreted dreams. I can not step again, I am losing my footing in these endless dunes of sand. Sweet mercy come and rescue me, awake me from this dream! And OH that stab, that searing shock that works within me day and night, what sins are these that result in this suffering? Oh, do interpret this dream and send me on my way, oh sweet mercy do rescue me, do rescue me. I can not follow any longer, my heart grows heavy on my back. I fall in saddened desperation, in confused and beaten deprivation. I have reached my Jordan! I can step no further, and what a wonder it is to be still. I have finished walking and am finally at rest, here in the sand, in the presence of my dreams. Though her blood does fly on falcon’s wings, I rest in the sand and I dream, oh how I dream. | | |
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